


snippets of what could've been

by acaciapines



Series: hollyleaf and her brothers deserved better [1]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Gen, long shadows au, the fire scene and everything after was garbage so i'm fixing it bc im still mad years later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 16:56:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14752710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acaciapines/pseuds/acaciapines
Summary: It's funny, really, Hollyleaf thinks, because there's a firestorm raging around them and the rain is failing to put it out and everything she thought true is a lie.





	snippets of what could've been

There’s fire licking at Hollyleaf’s paws, and one of her brothers is pressed up against her—Lionblaze, she thinks. The branch to freedom is blocked by a soot-gray paw, she can’t see Jayfeather and can only hope he’s okay, and her mother is on the other side of the circle of fire, eyes wide and tail lashing, ears pressed back in terror.

Ashfur turns and snarls at her mother, and he’s still blocking their only way out. Fire’s roaring in her ears, the tree branch is crackling, and she can only barely hear Jayfeather’s hiss.

“What’s going on?” he asks, and she wants to answer but fear settles like a bone in her throat.

Lionblaze comes to her rescue. “Ashfur,” he says, and his voice is low and worried, “It’s…he’s blocking the branch we need to get out. I don’t…”

“Jay,” Hollyleaf manages to get out, “Are you?”

She hears Jayfeather’s unsteady purr, broken and choppy. “I’m fine, don’t worry,” he says, and something tight in Hollyleaf’s chest releases and she’s a bit less scared now.

“Ashfur,” their mother’s voice is harsh, and Hollyleaf turns her attention to her, to their mother, to Squirrelflight, silhouetted by the dancing fire. “What are you doing? Let my kits through.”

“You don’t even know,” Ashfur says, and his meow is brittle like dry grass, “You don’t understand anything about my pain. Every day, you and Brambleclaw being a perfect little family while you left me bleeding out on rocks like i was fox-dung under your claws.”

Lionblaze is heavy against Hollyleaf’s side. “What’s he going on about?” he asks, and Jayfeather snorts and Hollyleaf digs her claws into the dirt. The fire is hot behind her. She tries not to think about it.

* * *

“They are not my kits,” Squirrelflight is saying, their mother is saying, and Lionblaze is pressed so close to her she’s scared she’s gonna topple over into the fire. Jayfeather’s wobbly purr, which he had been maintaining to comfort her and him and Lionblaze too, catches and dies in his throat. “You want to try and hurt me? Fine. But these cats mean nothing to me. I did not give birth to them and I am not their mother.”

Ashfur stares, and his tail is the only thing moving, back and forth and back and forth. Hollyleaf feels fire at her paws and something smells like burning fur. Lionblaze yelps and rips a blazing leaf off of Jayfeather.

“Not your…” Ashfur trails off, “Well, whatever. I can still hurt you in other ways.”

And then Squirrelflight is on top of him, spitting and scratching and biting. Ashfur goes crashing off the branch and into flames, where he lets out a howl of pain and fury. “Run!” Squirrelflight cries, and she’s breathing heavy and weak but fighting, and Ashfur is dragging himself out of the fire.

Lionblaze is the first to move, shoving Hollyleaf and Jayfeather towards the branch. Hollyleaf goes first, one paw after another, Jayfeather gripping her tail in his jaws so he doesn’t fall. The fire is hot at her side but before she knows it she’s on the other side of the ring of flames and there’s a crack of thunder from above.

It's been raining this whole time, Hollyleaf realizes, and that’s. That’s unfair, she thinks, like Starclan is laughing at then. Rain and fire shouldn’t exist at the same time.

She turns her attention back to her mother—to Squirrelflight. Jayfeather lands beside her and Lionblaze on her other side.

Squirrelflight is bleeding and the fur at her paws is black ash. “Leave,” she spits, and her tail curls in disdain, “leave or I’ll shove you back into the flames and watch you burn alive. Don’t you dare try to kill my kits again.”

Ashfur stares back at her, scrambles to his paws, and runs.

* * *

“You lied to us,” is the first thing out of Hollyleaf’s mouth once they’re out of camp and heading to the river. Jayfeather growls, and Lionblaze’s tail twitches behind him, bigger than it should be. He’s scared, Hollyleaf knows, and so is she.

“No,” Squirrelflight says, her ears down and her tail dragging, “Kits, I am your mother. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I…”

She trails off with a sigh.

“So you didn’t lie?” Lionblaze asks, and there’s something hopeful in his gaze, his ears pricking up, tail frozen behind him. Jayfeather just keeps walking, but Hollyleaf can’t help it. Her brother’s hopeful and she is too.

“Let’s sit somewhere,” Squirrelflight says, and leads the three of them to a hollow tree untouched by the fire. Hollyleaf can smell river up ahead, and it’s still raining. Jayfeather presses against her, and Lionblaze sits at her other side.

“Mom,” Lionblaze says, “You were lying, right? To save us?”

“I lied when I said you meant nothing to me,” Squirrelflight says, “and I lied when I said I wasn’t your mother. But…a long time ago…we were desperate. We made a choice I've regretted ever since.”

Jayfeather explodes into an angry yowl, on his feet and stalking away from her, pacing like he tends to do. “You did lie!” he says, and his tail is lashing. “You…you never told us we were adopted? You thought that was something you could hide from us? What, did you take us off some dead rouge and feel bad and never tell us? We have the right to know about our parentage!”

“We might be rouges,” Hollyleaf says, and she’s glad Lionblaze is beside her because she feels sick and dizzy. “We might not be clan cats. Our very existence might be breaking the warrior code.”

“To hell with the code,” Jayfeather says, but he bumps against her and she knows he isn’t mad at her. “You never told us.”

“I didn’t,” Squirrelflight says, “I wanted to, I really did. But it wasn’t my secret to tell.”

“Is dad not our father?” Lionblaze asks, softly. He trembles beside Hollyleaf, and she presses her nose to his cheek, purring unsteadily. He purrs back, a scared, rumbling sound.

“He didn’t sire you, no,” Squirrelflight says. She sighs and it feels wrong to see her like this, so defeated and broken. “He knows. I couldn’t keep something like this from him.”

“But you could from us,” Jayfeather says. He sits next to Lionblaze and huffs.

“Leafpool gave birth to you,” Squirrelflight says, and her words come in a rush, like an overflowing river. “I was with her. It was the middle of winter and we were scared none of you would make it to spring. She made me promise to never tell another cat, to never let her secret get out. I told Brambleclaw because I had to. I didn’t tell you because Leafpool wouldn’t let me. She wanted this to die with her. We just wanted you to be happy, and not have to deal with scorn from your clanmates for being half-clan, and the kits of a medicine cat.”

“Half-clan,” Hollyleaf says. Their very birth does break the warrior code. Leafpool is their birth mother and they’ve been lied to their whole lives.

“Crowfeather of Windclan is your birth father,” Squirrelflight says. She moves like she wants to come closer but stops midway. “You can be mad at me and Bramble and Leafpool as much as you want, but I want you to know that I love you, and your father loves you, and you are our kits. Maybe not by blood, but Leafpool gave you up to me and Crowfeather wants to forget he sired half-clan kits. As far as I see it, you’re my kittens and nothing will ever change that.”

“Why are you telling us this?” Lionblaze asks, and his ears press against his head. “You coulda lied and said you were lying to Ashfur. I’d’ve believed that.”

“You deserve to know,” Squirrelflight says.

She starts to purr, weak and broken but. This is Hollyleaf’s mother. She’s scared and angry and confused but this is her mom and she doesn’t know what to do.

Lionblaze goes to her first. He’s bigger than she is, bulky and furry, but he presses himself under her chin and purrs back. Jayfeather hisses but moves to join in.

Hollyleaf goes last. It’s nice and familiar and everything she knows is a lie.  

**Author's Note:**

> i got really mad thinking about these scene. why the hell didn't squirrelflight tell her kits abut their birth parents the second after they learned they were adopted. like the gigs up there's no point hiding it anymore it'll just be worse. i mean i know it was for conflict and to draw out the books longer but shhh i want an in-universe reason. 
> 
> in this au hollyleaf and ivypool are mates. i'm probably never gonna write anything else for this but i want everyone to know that. they both deserve so much better and they remain the two warrior cats i care about still. 
> 
> also i did no rereading before this so if anyones out of character ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


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